IQ Bank. Banking Made Smarter.

Southern Florida regional bank Federal Union Bank (FU Bank) is making headlines today as it announced its new customer acquisition strategy. The product suite that is stirring up debates across the country is called IQ Banking. As of Monday all FU clients must take a standardized IQ test as part of the application process. Only people with IQ scores over 131 will be eligible to finalize the account opening process. Why the change? The bank’s public relations officer Roger Sanderson explained that the bank needed to take a new approach to opening accounts as more and more clients have sued banks on the basis on misleading clients.

“We here at FU decided that the best strategy to employ to fight baseless civil claims against our company was one that turned the tables on traditional banking.” Turn the tables it has. Upon becoming a client of FU Bank, clients are expected to read through volumes of materials covering a range of topics from investment planning to mortgages. In fact, clients are automatically given all of the pricing rules and guidelines for all of the banks products whether they want them or not.

“We just want to make sure that our clients are making the most informed decisions, that way they can’t sue,” said Sanderson. In fact, all employees of FU Bank had their IQ tested. Any employee that scored over 131 was fired. The company commented on the firings Sunday night in a prepared statement that explained the firings as necessary to “even the playing field” for clients. The press release also indicated that the new strategy would force courts to side with the bank on disputes since the clients now will be both smarter and more informed than anyone at the company.

CEO Ken Pedergast IV sent an internal memo to employees that stated even he was subjected to the IQ tests. “This turn in our company’s business model is a necessity in today’s financial reality. This product line-up places the burden of client suitability squarely on the clients’ shoulders and allows FU to F them if we lend them money and they don’t pay us back. After all, they are smarter than us now.”

Other banks around the globe are eagerly awaiting the quarterly earnings of FU Bank to see if they should launch similar products. Right now all I’s and Q’s are on this little bank from Florida.