Feel sorry for us.
That is the most recent message that has been projected from the camp of White House party crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi as government prosecutors join forces to publicly destroy them. My answer to that plea should be heard equally as loud: No! I refuse to feel sorry for people who pursue a goal that they know is wrong. People can make an argument for just about anything, but what can not be argued is that two people tried to do something really stupid for the purposes of being famous. Congratulations, with the help of the media machine, you are now famous.......and potentially under arrest.
Was it worth it? That is always the question. While the Salahis try to dig themselves out of a very deep legal hole, we have the luxury of analyzing a true national phenonmenon. What phenonmenon? I believe that I have discovered a new medical condition. This medical condition is a direct result celebrity becoming the new American Dream. I call it: Destined for Infamy and Celebrity if it Kills me Syndrome (DICKS). DICKS is rampant in the US, and the Salahis are prime examples of the condition.
Similar to the 5 stages of grief, there is a 5 stage hierarchy for people who are infected with DICKS. The real interesting thing about this disease is that people who have DICKS do not necessarily know that they are DICKS carriers. The only real way to diagnose DICKS is unfortunately through behavioral observation. The good news is that our national media outlets have a firm grasp on DICKS. As a result they give us DICKS media coverage non-stop. It is precisely this unending DICKS footage that allowed me to identify the 5 stages of DICKS. The following list outlines the normal behaviors and attitudes of DICKS:
(note links to the actual media articles for these stages are also provided)
1) Look what we did! (link)
This is the stage where DICKS sufferers tell the world about what they did. Typically a media frenzy ensues and we are flooded with coverage of the event. Examples include kids trapped in hot air balloons, women with 8+ children, etc. Please read previous blog postings for more information on this stage of DICKS.
2) What is the big deal? (link)
This is the DICKS fallout stage. Typically, people begin to really take a look at all the implications and problems associated with DICKS. Some have referred to stage 2 as the "end of the honeymoon phase". This is due to the fact that when DICKS is exposed people generally begin to see all the problems associated with it.
3) It's not our fault! (link)
A classic DICKS behavior is one in which the people infected with DICKS try to justify their inappropriate behavior. The justifications can take many forms, but it is important not to underestimate DICKS. Often people with this disease offer compelling pleas of innocence. Never take the symptoms of DICKS lightly.
4) We are being attacked! (link)
People with DICKS become more defensive as their actions come under more scrutiny. Often times uninfected people become angry at DICKS for the pain that it has caused. This is normal. This stage is highlighted with DICKS related lawsuits and other legal challenges.
5) Feel sorry for me! (link)
People with DICKS ultimately will acknowledge that their lives have been ruined by the disease. The real problem at this point is getting DICKS sufferers to admit that it was their own actions that led to their demise. However, for most this argument falls on deaf ears. People with DICKS see the world stacked against them, and tend to suffer DICKS related relapses. It is important to realize that DICKS is like a time bomb waiting to explode. The only treatment is constant vigilance.
Now that you know the 5 stages of DICKS you can appreciate that there is a fine line between celebrity and infamy. I doubt that I have to recount stories of OJ, Zsa Zsa Gabor, or Pee Wee Herman to prove my point. DICKS is a disease that we all need to combat. This means that DICKS related behavior should never be condoned or encouraged. We should be thankful to the media for providing us all with endless archives of DICKS footage so that we will be better prepared for our fight. I know that I will do my part, the only question is will you do yours?
