We have all been assaulted lately with dramatic scenes from “Town Hall Meetings” across the country. What stands out to me more than the violence, finger-pointing, shouting, tears, utter despair, sweaty politicians, and foul language is the sheer volume of lies being spread by the Republican Party. Why am I blaming the Republicans and not the Democrats for rumor mongering? Ahh, it probably has something to do with the fact that Democrats would not start a rumor that their own healthcare initiative would euthanize the elderly. That was the first tip-off. If you need more proof (you shouldn’t) try to find one article that has a Democrat saying that a public healthcare system will:
- Eliminate healthcare for the disabled (and subsequently kill old people)
- Cover healthcare for illegal immigrants (FYI this already happens under the current system)
- Pay for abortions
- Steal money from programs used to equip our troops overseas
- Socialize America (aka make us France or Canada or UK or Russia or _____)
- Give government control over everyone’s personal bank accounts (huh?)
- Allow the government to spy on you
- Destroy all small businesses
- Raise taxes
- Bankrupt private healthcare
Does anyone see a pattern in this list? Does this list seem to reflect the value set of a certain political party (i.e. anti big-government, religiously conservative, domestically-centered, non-immigrant friendly, etc.)? Just as a side-note here, pretty much every item on this list (except for 10 and 3) have been happening for years under Republican administrations. However, I have to give credit where credit is due, and Republicans you deserve some credit. It was an ingenious strategy to basically use lobbying groups as rumor mills to forward your non-progressive agenda. And why not? The US has a collective educational level of a 9th grader, so why wouldn’t high school antics succeed in the “adult” world. Diabolically brilliant.
The truth of the matter is that I would never have started this article if the national healthcare debate had not been reduced to a bullshitting match. In fact, I support rigorous national debates on all the issues. However, the issues have been so intentionally clouded that I am afraid that the Republicans have willingly sacrificed any form of meaningful healthcare reform. That in itself is shameful. Enriching the lives of Americans through proper healthcare should be the real goal, not enriching the profitability of healthcare companies through politics. Maintaining the status quo due to unfounded rumors and meaningless innuendos is downright pitiful.
Of course, spreading rumors to start a public panic is nothing new. We are all intimately familiar with Swine flu, Ebola, Bird flu, SARS, shoe bombs, pirates, John & Kate, oil, TARP, the words Depression and Recession, Pokemon, etc. And of course we all remember when Al-Queda was lurking behind every corner laden with dirty bombs demanding that we invade Iraq. That one worked out well, so why not go back to the old stand-by? Republicans know something that the rest of us just can not come to terms with: most people are simply too lazy, too stupid, or too biased to ever educate themselves on the issues (i.e. read, question, analyze). If people actually did this, these types of rumors would never work on either side of a debate. People would stop themselves and say, “You know something, let me look into your claim that a national healthcare system would turn all doctors into patient eating cannibals.” That day will sadly never come.
Therefore, it is with extreme loathing that I will now lower myself to the depths of the GOP. It occurred to me the other day that an effective way to stop Republicans from planting people in the audiences of Town Hall meetings (or any forum really) in the future was to fight fire with fire. The idea is simple: Spread outrageous lies about what people have to do in order to register as a Republican. The implication here is that if the lies are effective, people will never again want to raise their hand and say, "Yes, I am a Republican, and those are my values."
There are some ground rules to this new fight. First, any claim has to incite anger so as to veil the real issue in a cloud of ambiguity. Second, be the first one to point the finger. Latecomers to the party are always put on the defensive. Third, never stop lying. Never admitting to lying is just as important, but feel free to lie about that too. In fact, when cornered on an issue, tell another more inflammatory lie.
The strategy for such a social coup should use the bedrock political items of the GOP and twist them into some warped sense of patriotism. This way the strategy will have roots in reality that will make our claims more believable. For example, most Republicans want all illegal immigrants physically removed from our country. Therefore, one rumor we could spread is that all Republicans must go through an initiation process in which they literally kill an illegal alien. Imagine the quandry Rush Limbaugh would find himself in when people started calling his show to find out how many immigrants he killed to be a Republican.
Here is a list of rumors that might serve as a good starting point for this new campaign. The list is by no means exhaustive, but it should touch on enough salient points to flatline incoming membership figures and to pulverize public opinion polls:
1) One fifth of all Republican campaign funds go to the KKK
2) John Edwards was really a Republican plant meant to divide public favor amongst Democrats
3) Half of all Republican Senators own sweatshops overseas
4) Republican membership hazing features an annual trip to Alaska for seal clubbing and whale harpooning paid for with taxpayer money
5) The Republican National Convention is always staffed by prostitutes (both male and female)
6) A leaked Republican membership oath will reveal the phrase, "I will view the Republican Party as a religion, and consider all other forms of worship irrelvant and gay."
7) Membership requires gene testing to verify that new applicants have both X and Y chromosomes. Women must have either XXY chromosomes or a hairiness index factor of 7, and must never express an original thought to qualify for membership.
8) All members must carry guns at all times regardless of age
9) Members can not travel to foreign countries ever, for any reason, unless travel is for the expressed purpose of killing terrorists or destroying terrorist training camps
10) Membership to the Republican Party comes with a guidebook on how to evade taxes using overseas bank accounts and shell corporations (a copy of this guidebook should be created and circulated)
If all the steps and lies are implemented as outlined, there is no reason that Republicans can not be marginalized for certainly the foreseeable future. My real hope is that these lies serve a higher purpose; one that will once again allow the country to engage in real discussions on change without the need for lies. That would be an accomplishment all by itself. That being said, the Democrats will probably find a way to screw that up as well. Let me just say that my hopes are not really high.
If you want to actually sift through some of the lies current being spread visit: http://www.healthcarereformmyths.org/HealthcareReformMyths.php
