Raise Your Hand if You are Delusional and Want to be Punched in the Face

"It's kind of like getting out there on the playground, a bunch of kids ready to fight, and one of the kids saying, 'Go ahead, punch me in the face and I'm not going to retaliate. Go ahead and do what you want to with me.'" - Sarah Palin 4/7/2010

I have very mixed feelings about writing this article. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem writing a blistering article about one of the world's most obnoxious and underwhelming people: Sarah Palin. My one drawback in writing this article is that by doing so I am contributing to keeping her politically relevant. This is the political equivalent to hitting "reply to all" on an email you received. Once sent, people constantly perpetuate that email purgatory by hitting "reply to all" to let everyone know not to reply to all. I feel like this article may be similar. However, her abject stupidity and her persistence to try to spread it forces me to get off the sideline and do something verbally that I wish I could do personally: Punch her in the face.

First, I just need to get a couple of things off my mind so I can get on with making my point. One, Sarah Palin really needs to stop criticizing the media. I say this not because I believe that news today is substantive. In fact, this blog was created as an arena for satirical articles based on the shoddy journalism of today. I say this because the media has made her part of the political discussion. When she starts to become irrelevant she stands up and says things like, "Barack Obama will kill all of you in your sleep" or "Socialists are stealing your tax dollars" and the media carries that message far and wide. She hates the media so badly that she decided to prove it by taking a job......in the media (although Fox barely qualifies as media). Hypocrisy just earned her a punch.

I could spend most of the night writing about other punches to the face she has earned by contradicting herself or blindly towing party lines. Instead, I will allow you to choose how many times to punch her in the face:

1 punch (frustration)
2 punches (anger)
3 punches (perseverance)
4 punches (vigilante)

I am leaning toward vigilante today. Now let's broach a subject that plays to Palin's strengths: Foreign Policy. After all, this is really the origin of this article. For anyone who cares to read the President's nuclear non-proliferation plan, here is what he is suggesting:

1) Countries with nuclear stockpiles will reduce the number of weapons in their possession
2) Countries without nuclear weapons will not be allowed to acquire them
3) A repository on nuclear material should be created so that a centralized system for tracking/safeguarding nuclear material is put in place
4) Tangible and clear consequences for rogue states are outlined
5) Nuclear weapon tests would be banned by the United States

Sarah Palin considers these goals a mistake mainly because it would signal to the world that we can't or won't defend ourselves if we were to reduce our nuclear stockpiles. Uh.......huh? I'm sorry, I missed that. Would you care to explain our lack self-defense in Afghanistan and Iraq? How about we look at just how much we are stepping out on the limb by reducing our weapons stockpiles. The United States and Russia both have about 10,000 nuclear warheads each. North Korea has enough plutonium for about 12 bombs, but doesn't have any missles on which to put them (to blow up America). That ever pesky Iran has 0 nuclear warheads or delivery systems. I think it would be safe to say that reducing our weapons stockpile by a couple of thousand doesn't really give Iran or North Korea a death-grip on the scrotum of the United States. Add another punch to the tally.

Let's also for a minute consider the cost of the United States' nuclear weapons program. The United States has spent over 5.5 trillion dollars on developing nuclear weapons. This figure does not include the storage, transportation, disposal, or delivery costs of handling nuclear material. Nor does this figure take into account the cost of producing fissure material. I for one an so glad that the United States has spent the equivalent to half of the total current national debt on something we all hope to never use. That makes perfect sense. Sarah Palin is so brilliant and so in tune with the needs of America that she believes that we should be spending more money in this area and less on more "socialized" things like Health Care and national infrastructure. After all, those things are too expensive. Plus one in the face punching category.

Here is my last point, and then I seriously need to go to bed. Sarah Palin has been drinking from the teat of Tea Party Movement for most of the past year. This is another group that I can't quite figure out. I understand the desire to have more than a 2-party system, especially given the infantile behavior on Capitol Hill. However, sanity has to enter the equation at some point. Tea Party Members (and Sarah Palin as an unofficial figure-head) are carrying the socialism/government spending banner high and proud. What they should be carrying is a mirror. 90% of tea party members say that the US is becoming a socialist society, while 70% want a more active government role in job creation. I guess it would make sense that a group of people this hypocritical would look to Sarah Palin as a leader. Need more fuel for this fire? The vast majority of tea party members either don't consider any of the following domestic programs as socialist or want the government to continue to run them: Medicare, Medicaid, VA benefits, and Social Security.

How could this be? A poll that came out by Gallop last month shows that they are old, retired, Republican white men making over $50,000 per year. The fact that about 50% of tea party members are unemployed or retired also interests me since I doubt (heavy sarcasm here) that any of them collect unemployment benefits, disability claims, or money from some other government program, let alone from government pension plans. For Sarah Palin to stand at the front of this line while receiving huge government subsidies before quitting as governor of Alaska (not to mention hundreds of thousands of dollars from the RNC during her Vice Presidential campaign for hair and make-up) then she has definitely earned her last punch to the face.

That last one was from me.