Friday, September 4, 2009

California Fired Up Over New Proposition


In an unorthodox move, California has announced today that it will set fire to all flammable objects in the state. Proposition XXV has drawn significant backlash by environmental activists in recent days. However, support is growing for the bill as governor Schwarzenegger positions it as a preemptive move to avoid next year's inevitable wildfires.

"Californians are sick and tired of having to worry if their houses or their forests are going to burn down. They want to know that their state and their government are taking steps to avoid these kinds of disasters in the future," said the governor from the steps of City Hall on Friday. Some say that the governor is bowing down to pressure from Washington to reduce what some say is waste of taxpayer dollars and local resources battling wildfires each and every summer.

Recent years have seen a flurry of forest fires spread across the hillsides of southern California. Most of these fires have ultimately been attributed to arsonists, campers, or smokers. As a result, Proposition XXV tackles the human element of the problem by beating other humans to the punch.

"You have to admit it, if there is nothing to burn, there can't be a fire, said Schwarzenegger. "It is time for Californians to take back its state from the careless, the reckless, and the flammable."

Although incredibly naive, and totally reckless, the governor's proposition is at the same time ingeniously simple, and support is growing in national polls. A recent survey of people living outside of California support Proposition XXV 4 to 1. Asked why he supported the new legislation one man responded, "I would burn Oregon too if I didn't have to watch the same thing play out year after year without end. "

In fact, Oregonians are both nervous and excited. "I am scared as hell they are going to burn down everything West of the Rockies," said Ted Williamson an owner of a small hotel near the northern border of California. "However, burning down California should be good for business." Good for business is right if all goes according to plan. Estimates of tourism revenues range from 3 to 5 billion for states surrounding California.

For those wondering what is in it for California; how about 20 billion in reconstruction dollars saved each year. That is a hefty price tag to keep a couple of acres of trees and a few thousand homes in the hills. If Proposition XXV passes through the state government all people within California will temporarily moved to Las Vegas for the duration of the inferno as a symbolic gesture towards the huge risk the state is undertaking. Once the state is made safe from future fires, people will be allowed to move back to their patch of scorched earth to start again. Some parts of the state are projected to fare better than others. Los Angeles is predicted to survive the fire relatively unharmed. This is due to the fact that the level of smog hovering over the city drives down oxygen levels too far for the fire to sustain itself.

What will not be in short supply is media coverage for the next couple of weeks as the bill is finalized by the governor and his staff. Only time will tell if Propisition XXV will go up in smoke or not. We will all have to stay tuned.

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