Unfortunately, there will be no post today since everyone in the world is projected to contract swine flu. If you have not taken the appropriate precautions it is likely that you have already contracted the disease and infected all of your loved ones.
Precautions include:
Wash hands frequently
Do not sneeze in the face of other people
Do not cough on other people
Do not let other people cough or sneeze on you
Do not drink spit that is not your own
Do not lick the floor of public restrooms
Avoid all people at all times
Wear a biohazard suit at all times
Do not talk to Mexicans
Do not talk to people from Queens, NY
Avoiding inhaling, only exhale
Kill all pigs worldwide
Kill all other animals that look like pigs
Avoid all people at all times
Wear a biohazard suit at all times
Do not talk to Mexicans
Do not talk to people from Queens, NY
Avoiding inhaling, only exhale
Kill all pigs worldwide
Kill all other animals that look like pigs
Obviously these precautions will only delay what is now certainly inevitable according to national media outlets; the total destruction of humanity. Keep those fingers crossed.
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